*if curse words offend you, don't read this post
If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know I work in the restaurant industry, if you are new around here ... now you know. I have done just about every job imaginable except bar-tending. I currently host, run food and work in the kitchen. I have, at previous restaurants, waited tables and made desserts.
This is one of those jobs that everyone thinks is a piece of cake. I am here to tell you, the correct answer is NO, it is not.
You have assholes who send everything back, people who think you are an uneducated moron, bitches who wont get off their phones, rude people who can't even say hello back to you when they walk in the door, and cheap asses who get excellent service and tip 5% ... sure, I'd love to pay for your meal!
So, over time I am going to share some facts, stories, unbelievable things that happen and recommendations for those who frequent restaurants.
Today I am going to share about hosting. Please, don't be THAT person when you go to restaurants!
... seriously, cry about it. My back hurts too and I have to stand here and listen to whiny people like you all day. Stay home if your back is that bad.
Biggest pet peeve ever!! If you are going to a restaurant know how many freakin' people are coming. I strain my back trying to move tables around and get really pissed when I find out that it wasn't necessary. Not to mention you just completely effed up our rotation and wasted our time.
Or "Hi, How are you today"? "Booth". I'm sorry, what? You're doing booth today, how interesting. Don't be so freakin rude. It is not that hard to say, "I am well, how are you"? Then ask for a booth if it is that damn important.
We are taking you to a certain section for a reason. Sit where we tell you, or go home. That section is likely closed because the server was cut. And nobody wants to have to re-clean the section because you are an ass and can't wait 5 seconds for us to clean a table in an open section.
OH MY GOD, if you can not control your kids ... 1. learn to be a better parent because you obviously suck and 2. don't take them out to restaurants where other people are trying to enjoy a meal. I will not be discreet about the fact that I want to throw your kids into the middle of the street. And if your kids run into me while I am running food, I will flip out on you and your child ... and everyone else will thank me.
I can not stress this enough! If you order it, drink it!!! At my restaurant, the host are also bussers. If you don't even take a sip out of your cup, it makes it really hard to bus and I end up with your drink running down my arm because I am trying to carry a bunch of overfilled cups along with other things. It is not pleasant. Some of us don't have the luxury of carrying a bin around with us, we carry everything back in our arms.
Yes, this happens way more than I like to admit. I have people who will go seat themselves in the bar (which is NOT self seating) and sit at a dirty table, then yell at me because it is dirty. Excuse me, your the asswipe who decided they could sit wherever and you're the dumbass who picked the only dirty table. Don't get mad when I am rude right back to you. Also, I will take my sweet time cleaning your table. ....Damn where did I leave that sanitizer and towel.
Some advice:
1. Don't get pissy when there is a 20 minute wait and the table that happened to leave is a table, not a booth. I would be happy to put your name at the end of the list. Don't tempt me.
2. If you have a party larger than 10, CALL AHEAD! It is freaking rude not to. Especially on a weekend when we are already slammed. We have to rearrange tables and screw up sections to accommodate you. It would be nice to be able to figure it out before hand rather than when you are standing there staring at us like we need to work some sort of miracle and clear some space for your dumb ass. Also, if you don't call ahead, be prepared to wait. Complaining to me about your wait will only make it longer! I can really take my time cleaning those tables.
3. Don't let your kids act like brats. Be a parent. My coworker once had table with a child who was drawing on our newly redone tables. The Grandmother said, "shouldn't you not let her do that" and the Mother said, "oh, it will come out". So of course, my coworker takes the spray bottle and some towels over, puts them on the table and told the lady she could clean her kids mess. She found out real quick that the crayon does not come out of the table. I also had a kid that was drawing on our window shades. It has been weeks and it is still there. Would you let your kids do that at home? Treat our restaurant with respect; at least act like you weren't raised in a barn.
4. If you are too fat to fit in a booth, don't look at me like I am the one with a problem. Our booths are made for average and slightly above average sized people. If you can't fit in the booth maybe you should reevaluate your life. Spend that "going out to eat" money on a gym membership, eat a few veggies now and then, and don't order two apps, a full rack of ribs, and a dessert after being denied a booth because you're too fat. Meanwhile, sit at a table and don't whine because I don't have a booth big enough for you, I am not the reason you are fat.
5. DO NOT bitch at me because you brought your small child who requires a high chair and you can't get a booth. It is against fire code in MD to have high chairs on the ends of booths. Bitching at me wont help your case and talking to my manager is not going to solve your problems either. It's the law, and no matter how special you think you are, you are not above it and I am not about to let you think that you are. Thanks.
6. DO NOT stand over my shoulder while I am working on the chart. You'll see where you are getting seated soon enough. It's not like you can read it anyway so back up before I accidentally poke you in the face with my wax pen.
7. DO NOT EVER DEMAND A TABLE. If you come in look around, point to a table and say I'll take that table, I will all but tell you to F**k Off. I have a job for a reason, you will go to the table that I seat you at. If you don't like it, go somewhere else!!! I probably just saved the server from a nightmare anyways.
8. If there are open tables but I am not seating anyone, there is a reason. Do not get shitty with me because I will feed it right back to you. I am not on a wait because I want to be. We may be short staffed, the kitchen may be close to crashing or our manager told us to go on a wait, so that is what we are doing. You don't need to know everything. Just sit down, shut up and wait for a table. All parties involved will be happier that way. Also, asking me every five minutes if you are next is wasting my time and pissing me off. You will know when your table is ready because I will call your name. Until then, learn some patience.
9. Do not compare yourself to me. I have had people come in and tell me I look tired and then be like, oh well you should try doing "insert here", then you'll really be tired. Um, excuse me?? I happen to work from three hours before we open to a half hour after we close (that is a 16 hour shift) all weekend and go to school full time. Don't even act like you know my life or like you are better than me.
6. DO NOT stand over my shoulder while I am working on the chart. You'll see where you are getting seated soon enough. It's not like you can read it anyway so back up before I accidentally poke you in the face with my wax pen.
7. DO NOT EVER DEMAND A TABLE. If you come in look around, point to a table and say I'll take that table, I will all but tell you to F**k Off. I have a job for a reason, you will go to the table that I seat you at. If you don't like it, go somewhere else!!! I probably just saved the server from a nightmare anyways.
8. If there are open tables but I am not seating anyone, there is a reason. Do not get shitty with me because I will feed it right back to you. I am not on a wait because I want to be. We may be short staffed, the kitchen may be close to crashing or our manager told us to go on a wait, so that is what we are doing. You don't need to know everything. Just sit down, shut up and wait for a table. All parties involved will be happier that way. Also, asking me every five minutes if you are next is wasting my time and pissing me off. You will know when your table is ready because I will call your name. Until then, learn some patience.
9. Do not compare yourself to me. I have had people come in and tell me I look tired and then be like, oh well you should try doing "insert here", then you'll really be tired. Um, excuse me?? I happen to work from three hours before we open to a half hour after we close (that is a 16 hour shift) all weekend and go to school full time. Don't even act like you know my life or like you are better than me.
I think I have ranted enough for today. I hope none of my readers are THAT person, but if you know anyone who is, feel free to show them this post. Make everyone's life easier and be polite and courteous and use your brain.
* All of these come from real life experiences
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